Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
