Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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