WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
