I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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