I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
