when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
