Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
