Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
