So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
