i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
