look no pants
im having a threesome with these popsicles
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
