Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
