I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
