You really coming over, don't trick.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
