I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
