Already got asked if we're dating
Yo dont text me then not text me
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
