Me too!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
