Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
BRING THE BAGELS
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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