I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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