Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
