We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Alive.
So much puke
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
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