Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
We need to get me chipped asap
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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