I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Terrible idea I love it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize