Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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