if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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