I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
