How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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