I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
