she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
