so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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