I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize