Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
