Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
