I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
