He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
