I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
