One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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