I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
