You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
