I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
