Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
