It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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