So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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