i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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