This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
