so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize