Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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