we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're like the curious george of whores
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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