Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
