The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
