i think i have two assholes
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
