dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
