Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize