I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
