oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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