Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
