I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
