don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
