I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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