im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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