she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
