Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We are two peas in an std pod
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
