i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
