you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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