I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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