I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
