i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
