Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
