just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
