Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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