You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
