I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
