i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The beer is more important than you right now.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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