you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
