Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize