Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I can't turn off my feet"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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