I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize