Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
