just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
