I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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